Working in home health, I’ve seen it all. Sometimes siblings work great together and rely on each one’s strengths and try to divide work evenly. Then there’s the other half; one child does all of the work and becomes resentful that the other siblings won’t help.
Sometimes it’s a matter of proximity and the distant siblings truly aren’t aware of their aging parents’ decline. Or there is one that just has always had a closer relationship with their parents.
Either way, remember that the other siblings aren’t mind readers. Be direct and specific with the type of help you need. Try to match the needs with the strengths of the other siblings.
The ones who are distant may feel helpless, but they can call and make doctor appointments just like someone closer and call to arrange transportation, etc. They can care for finances from a distance if that’s not an issue.
The ones who are close can do grocery shopping, taking to doctor appointments, take turns staying with them, etc. If you’re the caregiver and you don’t work outside the home, but your siblings do, they can still be in the rotation to stay with your parents while you get a much-needed breaks. YOU have to be direct in what the need is.
Most importantly, if you can’t work this out on your own, seek a professional to help you all negotiate a fair system to keep your sibling relationships intact and your aging parent(s) cared for.